Just a bit of fun – obviously some things are a little exaggerated but I hope you can relate.  If you have no idea what the IB is, check out my post that explains how it works.  Enjoy!

You Will Need:

• A sufficiently crazy school
• An optimistic mindset and a teaspoon of self-belief (don’t worry, these get used up quickly)
• A dash of intelligence
• A sprinkle of grit
• 1/2 tablespoon of regret
• A syringe
• Other things that will be scrambled/improvised along the way

Cooking time: 2 years

Preparation:

1. Preheat the oven to 170°C – hot enough that it feels inviting; a bit too hot to scare away any slackers.
2. Speak some reassuring words and show off previous successes to lull prospective parents into believing this is a good idea.

Instructions

1. Roll teachers and students into a ball.  They will cooperate easier if you add the teaspoon of self-belief at the start.
2. Hollow out the middle.
3. Stuff as much Theory of Knowledge, CAS, Extended Essays, university applications, tests, a lot of coursework and exams in 6 subjects as you can fit.
4. You will see a thick purple goo start to ooze out.  This is what is known as ‘life’.  Extract it using a syringe, which will have the added benefit of removing any memory of free time or sleep.
5. Spread a light sheen of cynicism over the top.
6. Sprinkle the grit on top.
7. Roast in the oven for two years.
8. Take them out for a few months at a time, and smear on the regret.  Remember to keep dialling up the temperature.
9. They should come out an exhausted shade of black, but make sure you peel off the burnt layer to reveal the hardened, all-round golden centre.
10. Leave to cool for a year if desired or serve hot to universities around the globe.
11. Rinse and repeat.