Just a bit of fun – obviously some things are a little exaggerated but I hope you can relate. If you have no idea what the IB is, check out my post that explains how it works. Enjoy!
You Will Need:
- A sufficiently crazy school
- An optimistic mindset and a teaspoon of self-belief (don’t worry, these get used up quickly)
- A dash of intelligence
- A sprinkle of grit
- 1/2 tablespoon of regret
- A syringe
- Other things that will be scrambled/improvised along the way
Cooking time: 2 years
- Preheat the oven to 170°C – hot enough that it feels inviting; a bit too hot to scare away any slackers.
- Speak some reassuring words and show off previous successes to lull prospective parents into believing this is a good idea.
- Roll teachers and students into a ball. They will cooperate easier if you add the teaspoon of self-belief at the start.
- Hollow out the middle.
- Stuff as much Theory of Knowledge, CAS, Extended Essays, university applications, tests, a lot of coursework and exams in 6 subjects as you can fit.
- You will see a thick purple goo start to ooze out. This is what is known as ‘life’. Extract it using a syringe, which will have the added benefit of removing any memory of free time or sleep.
- Spread a light sheen of cynicism over the top.
- Sprinkle the grit on top.
- Roast in the oven for two years.
- Take them out for a few months at a time, and smear on the regret. Remember to keep dialling up the temperature.
- They should come out an exhausted shade of black, but make sure you peel off the burnt layer to reveal the hardened, all-round golden centre.
- Leave to cool for a year if desired or serve hot to universities around the globe.
- Rinse and repeat.