It’s quite easy to get angry.
- Forget all the things that you’ve done wrong.
- Complain about the worst parts of everyone you meet to everyone else.
- Treat others like the plebs they are.
- Believe that the world owes you something.
- Take everything that goes wrong personally.
- Understand that those who are at the bottom deserve to be at the bottom, and it’s their fault that they’re stuck in poverty.
- Single yourself out as the centre, and victim, of the universe.
- Believe that the bus deliberately left just before you came; someone shoved you because they thought you were weak; the dog poop was left there just so that you could step in it to get your polished shoes dirty. Everything was entirely deliberate and calculated to make your day worse.
- Sulk when your partner isn’t capable of reading your mind. They should know that you were too tired and need a cup of tea without you telling them.
- Never be able to see the funny side of things that go wrong.
This list was inspired by the School of Life‘s video.
Here’s a diagram to show where it all comes from. The yellow section shows the symptoms, the orange section shows the beliefs that angry people hold, and the red section is what you want to work on removing: a characteristic that many people developed as a child, including me! I can guarantee that you hold at least one of these beliefs.
Anger is an important emotion to feel – it drives action, change, and justice. However, the destructive types of anger that you find in familial and romantic relationships are often driven by self-hatred and insecurities.
How to Deal with Anger
It’s important to know where your faults lie and either work on them or accept them; treat yourself and others better by lowering any ridiculous expectations; stop comparing your life to what you perceive of others’.
When other people are getting angry, don’t sink to their level. Count to five, take a break, try all the usual tricks to stay calm. Here are three tricks I want to share with you:
1. Stay Curious
Listen to what they’re trying to say. Check your judgements. Mull it over. Ask them:
- Tell me more about why this is your view?
- How long have you held this belief?
- Help me understand how you reconcile these points…?
- What are you most worried about if _____ happens/changes/doesn’t change?
2. Pity Them
Not in a condescending way – that will make it worse. Treat them well, because their anger is only an expression of their insecurities and their fears in order to not seem weak. Pity them as a loveable fool who have lost their way a bit. Kill ’em with kindness.
3. Don’t Expect The Best
If you have high expectations of life, the likelihood is that life will disappoint you. Pessimism, although it sounds a bit gloomy, can make you happier and more appreciative when things do go right.
For more tips on how to stay calm, check out this post by Darling Magazine.
I hope this post will help those of you who are dealing with destructive anger. How do you calm yourself down? What sort of belief makes you angry? How do you deal with angry people? Let me know in the comments!