To my cheeky little monkey,
I often take you and your brilliance for granted but not your mistakes and your faults, which is why I am so frequently irritated.
I want to take this opportunity to tell you how much I appreciate you.
I’m sorry when I put you down to make myself feel better – when I’m angry I don’t mean half the stuff I say. You say I treat you like ‘a stupid little brother’ but in all truth, I irrationally assume that you are strong and capable and a smaller version of me; when you aren’t, I get stupidly disappointed and angry.
I’m sorry for expecting you to act as I would act. I forget to think from your perspective into your life, which is as complex and changeable as mine. I don’t want you to live in my shadow – sure we have our similarities, but I want you to find your own path. If that’s the well-worn, tried-and-tested path of least resistance that I have gone down, I would be happy to help you along. If not, don’t hesitate to do you.
I’m sorry I don’t like it when you tell me what to do. I know you have a lot to teach me but I think deep down I’m jealous of you – you’re far more competent than I am, even if you can’t be bothered to take responsibility 😛
Although I’m older than you and I like to think that I’m giving you life lessons, you have honestly taught me more than I could ever teach you.
I’m sorry for all the stupid things I said that made you feel small and hurt your feelings because my ego turned its back on reason. Thank you for always giving me another chance, even though I don’t deserve it. Don’t ever let another girl treat you this way.
In a weird way, I’m grateful that the foetus between us didn’t make it; else you wouldn’t have been born.
Thank you for always speaking your mind, for having my back, for enduring my outbursts, for never giving up on me. I’ll never forget how we would duet on the violin, play our version of football with added projectiles, have drawing competitions or the other memories we have made together.
I think you are the greatest – if aggravating at times (kicking a ball through my legs every time I take a step can get a teensy bit annoying) – but in all honesty, I’m so proud of you. Your thoughtfulness, your love, your patience, your determination, your wittiness, your observant eye, your ability for empathy, your sharp intelligence… I could go on and on. I’m proud to say that I share some of these qualities with you, but in many other aspects, I want to be like you.
I know you’ll always have my back and I hope you know I’ll always have yours.
I couldn’t ask for a better little brother. I will really miss you when I’m at university and I don’t get to see you every day. I promise I’ll do what I can to value what little time I have left with you before uni.
Your big sister who only hates you sometimes because she loves you always
P.S. You have no idea how many times I cried whilst writing this!